Dear Future Self,
Ex boyfriends are bad news.
Don’t ever get drunk on oxytocin again.
P.S. You are not better than science.
So, it’s the number one rule of successfully cutting ties at the end of a relationship – stop sleeping together. No more sex. No matter how good it is, how easy, how familiar or how bad you want it – just don’t.
Why? Because science actually provides evidence that it’s not a great idea.
If you don’t know anything about oxytocin, it’s a hormone – otherwise known as the ‘cuddle hormone’ – that is released as a result of sex, triggering feelings of wellbeing and attachment. As you can imagine, when you’re trying to move on, this is exactly what you don’t want.
Well – if you aren’t me, that is.
See, there’s this part of my head that often says ‘Uhh..I’m better than science’ and encourages me to sleep with my ex boyfriend. It doesn’t help that the sex is now hotter than ever because both of us know we shouldn’t be doing it, and we know what works for each other. Oh, and the fact that I find the idea of sex with someone new to be completely terrifying is also completely unhelpful.
Anyway, four months post-breakup, he’s just text me to say he’s cutting me off because it’s making it hard for him to move on (Number 1. Who’s the girl here? Number 2. I remember you dumping me, jerk, so that doesn’t make sense.)
Realistically, this isn’t the first time one of us has cut the other off and I’m pretty confident it wont be the last, but now I have come to the overdue realisation that this sex is really not my terms, and I‘ve just been using it to hold onto something that I don’t want, but I don’t want to let go of. I was all good with it while it was going my way but now I’m feeling all rejected and stupid again, stalking investigating social media, eating tim tams and feeling lonely.
Now, cause I’m totally in the business of pretending to be constructive about my problems – I’ve decided the new plan is to work toward inappropriate hormonal attachment to someone else (random sex). Updates to come.
You win this round, hormones.