You are a Jerk

Jerk behaviour

Why I’m angry

Attention self.

Stop sleeping with your ex.
Immediately.

Me.

 

Too angry to say more.

Update soon.

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Why I should be more selective about accepting friends requests on facebook

Dear Future self,

Dont ever let the behaviour of males suprise you.

Especially when it comes to matters of the D.

Me.

I feel this doesn’t need explaining but; I met a nice boy last night (yay) so I slept with him immediately.
So naturally I receive this from his best mate (who was hooking up with my bestie) the very next evening.

image

Oh no he didn’t.

Why I am going on a shopping spree next week.

Dear Future Self,

If you can get through Monday with a huge smile, looking hot AND with your dignity and mental stability intact, you can go on a shopping spree next week.

Me.

P.S May the force be with you. It’s your only hope, because google was average at this one.

When I’m completely stumped regarding how might be best to handle a normal – but none the less awkward or upsetting – moment in life, I generally consult the Internet.

So today when I was brought up to speed on the particularly craptacular news that my ex boyfriend had decided camping 50 metres away from me is super approproate, I was immediately in a state of wild panic slightly nervous.
Why?
Because the kid is bringing his rebound chick; ugh.

Google time: ‘How to deal with bumping into your ex and his new girl’

After I quizzed myself to see if I’m a bitter ex (suprisingly no?), I’ve come up with the following ‘top tips’;
1. Avoid this situation at all costs
2. Smile til your face hurts
3. Look as good as you can possibly look.
4. If anyone in the vicinity of your ex asks you, youre the happiest damn person on the planet

Now given that I’ll be ignoring the best bit of advice in that list, I’m going to spend the next 3 days preparing for the event.  This will involve a vigorous regime of exercise, not eating and various beauty treatments, so I can remain at a safe distance (as in, where I cant see him or her, at all)…. but they can see me and feel turned on and incredibly jealous / intimidated respectively.

Yeah.