Why I am a flamingo

Dear Future Self,

Don’t hang out with guys that want to date you. Thats how you end up on an accidental date.

Also, you are definitely a flamingo.

Me.

 

Recently there was a band touring Melbourne who I really wanted to see and none of my trusty music event friends were available for the gig.
Allowing not for defeat, I decided my best bet would be to ask this guy I dated 4 years ago because we saw this band on our first date. We were still on good termsso that’s not weird, right?
Wrong. Because the important piece information which I had elected to ignore was the matter of his recent and  frequent apology texts for his behavior whilst we were dating and asking for a second chance. (more…)

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Why boys are girls.

As usual, todays story is about a boy. He’s a friend of a friend and despite me being slightly standoffish and hideously drunk the night we met, there ended up being cute hand holding and a barrage of compliments. I’d be totally lying if I said it wasn’t the kind of rubbish we single females are constantly not trying to give into. He was charming, to say the least so true to form I got drunk and kissed him because he was hot and if I’m honest – I wasn’t just drunk, I was slightly wooed. (more…)

Why I am now certain that I am not fooling anyone

Dear Future Self,

If you’re in the supermarket, and your girlfriends wittily suggest that ‘you should get this ninja turtles toothbrush for your nightime guests’  – it’s time to accept the fact that your enjoyment of a good encounter with a younger guy is not even close to a secret.

Me.

Why I’m not doing it right (tinder, that is)

Dear Future Self,

If these are your tinder stats:

Matches: 47
Conversations: 7
Conversations with people you didn’t already know: 2
Number Exchanged: 1
Dates asked on: 2
Dates gone on: 0

You aren’t doing it right.

Me

P.S Tinder will not match you with local cats.

 

Why I can’t call it drunk texting

Dear Future Self,

Its not drunk texting if you plan it. Its just a booty call

Me.

(Insert standard story about cute boy I kissed on Saturday night that text me saying I was beautiful and didn’t text me again. Followed with rant about how I’m gonna drunkenly booty call him.)

That about covers it.